He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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