fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
