My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
