let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
