Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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