I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
