Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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