mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
