So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
