You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
