im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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