What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up under a house in Key West
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