Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
