god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
