just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
