I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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