Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
