the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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