He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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