ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You ate ashes out of my bong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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