If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
