kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
someone owes me an orgasm
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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