Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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