She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize