You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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