Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
