How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
