yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
