Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
