take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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