i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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