And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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