she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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