just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
