You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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