So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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