Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize