butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
