need another drink. this is the easiest way
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize