ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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