awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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