wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
