I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
