i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
