He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
