talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
