I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
His nipple licking is glorious
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