marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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