what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
