Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
