This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
