Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
