I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
