i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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