i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
