Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize