the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
