be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
