Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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