mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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