why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
