I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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