Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
