His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YAS. BRING CRAB.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
