I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
