She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
