TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
