She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
