i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
