Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
