Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
