If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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