i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
