i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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