READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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