You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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