Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
