Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
