Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
