I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
