it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
