He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
