She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
