A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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