I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hippo gnu deer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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