Got a toothbrush?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
