For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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