Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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