so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
