He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize