you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
