if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
