Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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