i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize