I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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