she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
