put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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