someone get that fucking seahorse.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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