It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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