Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
