It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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