I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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