She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
