Buhtt sex?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The best revenge is premature balding
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
