Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
