there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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