So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
