Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
