Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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