Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
