i just wanna soil my oats bro
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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