I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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